Having a chronic illness has made me very familiar with feeling inadequate and even broken at times. As much as I have countlessly researched and implemented various strategies of positive thinking into my life, there is no magic cure to deal with these feelings. You can only simply feel them and carry on regardless of them. You have to go through the process of dealing with it.
Life is not all sunshine and rainbows. It is hard. People will hurt you and so will life itself. You will be tested at some point in your life perhaps with your body when it becomes broken by illness or injury, emotionally through the tragedy of loss, financially, and so on. None of us are immune to hard times, and tragedy can and will strike at any time. All we can do is seek to understand one another and be there for each other when these times arise.
It is okay to not always look on the bright side of things or ever find meaning as to why this has happened to you. It is okay to be angry or upset, because it was not fair for this to happen. If you want to cry, cry; if you want to shout, shout. But then try to carry on. Bad things happen to undeserving people everyday. There are no simple words to erase the pain of a new devastating diagnosis or battling daily chronic pain, the loss of a loved one, or the betrayal of a partner. When dealing with an illness or a tragedy you have every right to grieve that loss. Yes, someone may have it worse off than you, but it doesn’t take away from your right to be upset about your pain.
Perseverance is perhaps the strongest skill we can ever learn. Choosing to move on despite all of these bumps and bruises we experience along the way is real strength. It is not okay that my kindness has been taken advantage of in the past, but despite this I will not let anyone change me from staying true to myself. In some instances there is a lesson to be learned such as in choosing the right people to trust, but sometimes there is no lesson to be learned other than shit happens.
You may never feel like you are ever enough all of the time, but what is important is to realize is that those around you may feel like you are more than enough. Give yourself permission to feel, but to not be consumed by it. Find your raison d’être. Get lost in something that is purposeful and meaningful to you. Lift others up. Be present for your loved ones in dark times. Don’t stress over the right words to say to them – just simply be there. Believe me, that is more than enough. Life’s journey is a learning process in letting go of fear and having the ability to not torture yourself over your scars. I may never fully get there, but I am sure as hell going to try each day at a time.